Truly a great use of one's time. First off we have The Minx, written by Peter Milligan. I remember seeing a sample of the first issue in an issue of Preacher and I was intrigued by the idea of a serial killer surgically remodeling his victims into an assexual featurless mass of tentacles. It is a really disturbing idea of surgically transforming someone to the point of no longer being a member of one's species.
The larger story revolves around a Monkey God, a monkey they sent in a rocket into space, returning to earth and sending telepathic messages to people on Earth.
Meanwhile the main character, Anna Schwarz, is caught in the middle of this while having to deal with preparing to lose her virginity to her boyfriend. This first post will cover the first Story Arc of this series, The Chosen.
The first Story Arc
Taking up the first three issues, it deals with Anna's woes, with her mother being snared by a monkey worshipping cult, her grandmother's death and the fact that her boyfriend got kidnapped by the surgicall serial killer Sexdeath, the self proclaimed messiah. Meanwhile the President pukes into a toilet and hopes his man McAnguish won't stop the guy who'se going around castrating and mutilating people into brainless, skinless, boneless, asexual tentacle monsters cause it would hurt his popularity as compared to the Monkey god.
The main problem of the story is it is over in 3 issues. Two issues are spent on setup and then Anna gets kidnapped by Sexdeath, only for McAnguish, the guy who set her up as bait for the serial killer, to prance into the room in a hot pink bikini (may I add the guy is like sixty five ?), to then start begging to be able to work with Sexdeath instead of capturing him/her cause McAnguish is afraid of death. Anna lets her other personality, the titular Minx which has supernatural powers, take over and resolve the situation by forcing the two to have sex which givent hat Sexdeath is a hermaphrodite is all kinds of disturbing. The end shows McAnguish has Sexdeath locked up in his Monkey Research Institute while he talks about how much potential Anna has.
During this story Anna had to deal with her second personality, being nervous about having sex for the first time, McAnguish stuffing her in a car to look at Sexdeaths demented creations and to top it all off she has to deal with her mother being just about the worst human being who is not Sexdeath. Seriously, she tells Anna her father is not her actual father and that she's a product of her getting high as a kite and getting fucked at a punk rock concert. Which she springs on her husband, daughter and father-in-law right after the funeral of Anna's Grandmother. And not only that, she goes on about how it was the best sex she's ever had. Trust me folks, you will want this woman to get hit by a bus.
Tom's boyfriend didn't have much of a good time either. Blueballed and then nearly had his balls cut off by Sexdeath, he spends time in the hospital with a whole list of ailments, including having something that Sexdeth poured down his ass which the doctors couldn't get out yet. Plus he gets captured and nearly gets turned into a giant leech by accident, as Sexdeath realises he's not a psychic, which is why s/he captured him to begin with. S/he sees her/himself as the Messiah and the Monkey God as the False Prophet and s/he wants the telepaths who have been receiving the Monkeys messages for some reason that's never made all too clear
At least the story ends with Anna finally changing her mind about being too nervous and the two finally go at it as the story ends so I guess there's something a bit positive to come out of this whole thing.
I've spent years wondering about how this would all turn out. I never picked up Minx at the time when it came out, hearing about it a long time after it was over in fact, and living in another country didn't help with that either. But after so many years of wondering where this story would go, it's a bit underwhelming. Not sure if that's just me being biased, but I can't help the story fell short of what it could become.
Plus the sight of the old bugger up there in pink lingerie was not something I was hoping to see. He spends two issues going on about how serious he is about the whole affair, but then we find out he's just a pathetic and demented nutter who'd have the procedure he describes in the picture above happen to him and countless other people because he's "scared of death".
Let me put it this way: if you're somehow handling a situation like this worse then Morgan Freeman's Commander Abraham "Heihachi" Curtis from Dreamcatcher, you've seriously fucked up somewhere along the way. And old Banana Brow only did two things in that movie. Yell and shoot at his own men.
* As an addendum, I hope no one will pull the racism card because I used the word "banana" in conjunction with a black actor. The fact is his eyebrows in the movie really do look like two bananas got glued to his forehead. I hope we can get to the point where people mentioned alongside fruit can no longer be offensive.
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